it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Randomize