Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
