who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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