Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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