Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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