you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
