If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
