I must be too annoying 4 u.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
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I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
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He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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