Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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