I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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