just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
