girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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