Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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