He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
