his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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