Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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