see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just blew my weed a kiss
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
