Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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