One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
