Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
