yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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