It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
