I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
