Moan for me like Helen Keller
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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