These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
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When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
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I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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