Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
