Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i out mim tonsoeep
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