When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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