We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
