i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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