No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Randomize
