I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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