I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
