Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
