I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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