Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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