Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
