I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
