Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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