11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
im six kinds of drunk right now
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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