he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize