i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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