I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
