Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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