HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy