I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
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He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
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Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk