the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
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Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
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how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."