u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM