So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.