why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.