My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.