I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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