When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
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All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
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fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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