thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
