i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
