then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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