dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
