overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize