you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
