this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
