I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
