i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
