I want to stick my p in your. b.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
