I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
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Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
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How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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