It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
