We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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