you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
