She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
