It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
