I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
