i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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