I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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