Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
it wasn't lemon gatorade
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
