i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
