bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
