The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
